Let Ahab Harpoon His Whale
I'm Lampoonin' Marcellus Shale!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Fracking Poem Number Seven: The Soft Sell

Let's stop carping about fracking fluid.

Yes, let's rise above it.

Who knows, after drinking the stuff,

We may learn to love it!

Don't get hysterical

like chickens to the slaughter.

Don't throw out the baby

with the ethylene glycol-laced bath water.

Let's look on the bright side

while our ground water is cooking

and examine the advantages

we may be overlooking.

Once ingested by small children,

toluene tends to stay,

Transforming young bodies

In at least twelve different ways.

Gargling with propylene glycol

Should do wonders for your breath

(Side effects may include cancerous tumors and premature death).

I know some people complain

(and that is their right),

But who says flaming water in your washer

Won't mean whiter whites?

Is there a cleanser out there

That you've ever seen

with more grease-cutting power than

propylene glycol and toluene?

So let's cease all our whining

and develop a sense of humor

Let's stop thinking like citizens

And start acting like consumers.

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